"Chopping Mall"

Hmm.. Let's make a movie where a giant mall is guarded by three rolling, slow moving and poorly designed robots . Okay, done. Now, let's have a party in the mall with lots of making out after hours. Sounds fun, right? Uh oh, the robots kill everyone. The end.
Greenlight that shit!

Cover Quote: "Buy or die.. Half off is just the beginning!"

Alternate Cover Quote: "Where shopping can cost you an arm and a leg."

Yet another alternate cover quote: "At Park Place Mall the new security force isn't just tight. It's terrifying!"

Oh, guess what? One last Cover Quote: "Some people will kill for a bargain.. and at the Park Place Mall, they do! Here, you can shop til you drop.. dead!"

Chapin Quote: "Yes! Another movie that totally sucks... until someone's head explodes!"

"Attack of the 60 foot Centerfold"

why?

Cover Quote: "She's so hot, you'll need to call 911"

Chapin Quote: "Dumb."

Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold (1995)
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"Teenage Exorcist"

What an array of bad actors and unnecessary story lines.

A teenager moves into a house that has an evil spirit living in it. She becomes possessed by the spirit and begins to be "naughty". Wonderful, a horny college student, in most cases that isn't such a bad idea. In this case, it is.. oh, it's a bad idea indeed.


Cover Quote: "She'll turn your head... all the way around."

Chapin Quote: "My head is turning around.. because I'm looking away from this movie."
burn.

"Blood Diner"

Well, well, well.. where to start? So you have this friend that has this movie, right? It's called "Blood Diner" and you are ready to watch it, well you think you are ready. Prepare to be confused and baffled.

50 Million years ago Sheetar (yes, that's a characters name) was supreme ruler. Some young men, who sell cooked body parts to the public disguised as vegetarian food, decide to bring her back to life. A brain and eyeballs combo in a jar that talks is the boss of the two young men whom somehow are able to get away with murdering a ton of people and not getting caught. Sheetar comes to life, her vagina stomach kills a man.. fin.
Sheetar!

Cover Quote: "First They Greet You, Then They Eat You."

Chapin Quote: "Wow...what?.. huh?... wow."

Clip Explanation: Umm, so.. this is a random scene from this ridiculous movie. But, nonetheless.. enjoy.




Clip Explanation: I love how this guy says "You look kinda nice, you look kinda good." Hilarious, and also Sheetar is one bad ass motha'.. shut cho' mouth! I'm only talkin' bout Sheetar!

"Monster in the Closet"

Just flat out lame.

DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! EVER!

Cover Quote: "It's Out! It's Out! It's Out!"
(what?)

Chapin Quote: "Oh, fucking come on!"

"Dead Alive"

This movie has it all!! A rotting old woman (literally, she rots to pieces), a ninja priest (who apparently "kicks ass for the Lord"), humping zombies who later create a baby zombie and by far most goopy and gory scenes than any movie I have ever seen before. The clip below is just disturbing. Let's see.. how to set up this clip.. A man, a lawnmower, a room full of zombies and well you can just imagine. Take a look... I think I gonna puke.

Cover Quote: "Some things won't stay down... even after they die."

Chapin Quote: "There's nothing better than a movie that makes you laugh, creates a feeling of nausea and then leaves you very confused... loved it."

By the way.. this little gem was Directed by Peter Jackson.. he directed a trilogy that you might have heard of.. I dunno, it wasn't that big.. "The Lord of the Rings!" Ridiculous.

"The Doll Squad"

70's Bombshell Babes? Yes please.

These women definitely live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse! With a super funky 70's porn soundtrack and lots of vixens kicking ass and taking names.. it's a winner.

Cover Quote: "A diabolical maniac threatens mass destruction! An elite band of sexy assassins... our only hope!"

Chapin Quote: "This is the breast movie I have ever seen... wait, I meant best.. honest!"